May 7, 2005

• and yes, it’s finally hitting me… 

  richard left today 10pm flight to New York…

  dam i’m an asshole….  never thought of it this way, but yea, i
  took my brother as granted…  mostly, i wanted to be away from
  him.. mostly i wanted to keep my social life away from him…  in
  many ways, i just wanted to call him nothing more than 형, in many ways,
  i was afraid of having him as 친구…..

  형은 언제나 내곁에 있어서 그런지…i never got to appriciate him for what he did,
  what he went through for me, just being my 형…   왠지, 형없이 생활을
  해야한다는 조체가 두려워지기 시쟉한고, 쓸쓸해지기 시작한다…  형은 늘 내 그림자를 따라다녔고, 늘 나의 모자름을
  체워주기 바빴다….  Richard…. 

  let me be honest to you…if i ever had anyone to brag about in this
  world, would’ve been you…  yes, you had your flaws and you had
  your loopholes…  but mere human who can look out for me to this
  day and even on forever would always be you…  witty, keen,
  intelligent, wise…  you could not be any better than what you
  showed me, your love and your sincerity opened up a lot of new visions
  and goals in my life…  you are wanderful as you are…  and
  more, i cannot stop bragging about you….  

  형은 언제나 어려운 형이었다…  가까이 가기엔 무서운, 떠러지기엔 아시운…   항상, 형과
  더욱 더 친한 친구가 되고 싶었지만..  그 존경심과 두려움… 또 나의 무족함과 모자람떼문에 그런지… 
  늘 점근도 못하고만 있던 나….  막상 형이 떠나니, 부끄럽기만 하다….

  우리형…   나만의 형….   사랑하고 보고싶다… 
  다시 만나는 날이 가까울거란건 알지만…… *sigh….

  더욱 더 멋진 형이 되기를…  아니…  지금 또같은 형이라조 좋다…
  이젠, 내가 형한테 보여주고 싶다…   멋진 동생으로..  형의 빛으로 더 멋진 동생으로, 형이
  자랑할수 있은 동생으로…  노력해보자….  더 좋은 동생으로… 더 좋은 친구로…

  i love you richard!   good luck in SeeeRahKyuss~ 
  and here’s 서시 for YOU! 

  • 1:55 am
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