this is my apology to everyone who knows what happened, or at least know a part of it…
yea, i privated the posts…(i didn’t delete any posts or comments… i’ll look back one day)
hey, if you were as stressed as i was… and if you just saw some part of how i felt… the reasons of why i was so mad, and was so pissed….. if you knew that i made a mistake of blowing off some steam on wrong people… would you have understood what i meant? if not… could you?
oh boy, my car’s DYING!
including numerous random dents i have…. couple more to the list…
my transmission is slipping.. means i need complete rebuild to get that
fixed… my engin rattles… means i need to get full
maintence on it (including timing belt, alternator, even stupid spark
plugs)… one of my tire just *snapped! yes,
snapped… while driving back from safeway with eugene, we heard
“SNAP!” we thought it was big pebble, but soon after that noise,
my car’s drifting…. when i come to my garage and check, i have
flat front left tire…. so of course we replace it with spare and
check for any holes, or rips… NONE! we saw NOTHING WRONG with
the tire! just deflated as hell! that made me
inspect the tires little more closely… and now i have camber problem
too…
i think i might have lifetime-warrenty on things like this from America’s Tire Co. i still have their reciepts~ 
but still!
i’m really beginning to hate my car… those of you who commented
“your car’s DIRTY! clean it!” this is why i don’t
clean my car~ my car is now officially 똥차…
and yes, it’s finally hitting me…
richard left today 10pm flight to New York…
dam i’m an asshole…. never thought of it this way, but yea, i
took my brother as granted… mostly, i wanted to be away from
him.. mostly i wanted to keep my social life away from him… in
many ways, i just wanted to call him nothing more than 형, in many ways,
i was afraid of having him as 친구…..
형은 언제나 내곁에 있어서 그런지…i never got to appriciate him for what he did,
what he went through for me, just being my 형… 왠지, 형없이 생활을
해야한다는 조체가 두려워지기 시쟉한고, 쓸쓸해지기 시작한다… 형은 늘 내 그림자를 따라다녔고, 늘 나의 모자름을
체워주기 바빴다…. Richard….
let me be honest to you…if i ever had anyone to brag about in this
world, would’ve been you… yes, you had your flaws and you had
your loopholes… but mere human who can look out for me to this
day and even on forever would always be you… witty, keen,
intelligent, wise… you could not be any better than what you
showed me, your love and your sincerity opened up a lot of new visions
and goals in my life… you are wanderful as you are… and
more, i cannot stop bragging about you….
형은 언제나 어려운 형이었다… 가까이 가기엔 무서운, 떠러지기엔 아시운… 항상, 형과
더욱 더 친한 친구가 되고 싶었지만.. 그 존경심과 두려움… 또 나의 무족함과 모자람떼문에 그런지…
늘 점근도 못하고만 있던 나…. 막상 형이 떠나니, 부끄럽기만 하다….
우리형… 나만의 형…. 사랑하고 보고싶다…
다시 만나는 날이 가까울거란건 알지만…… *sigh….
더욱 더 멋진 형이 되기를… 아니… 지금 또같은 형이라조 좋다…
이젠, 내가 형한테 보여주고 싶다… 멋진 동생으로.. 형의 빛으로 더 멋진 동생으로, 형이
자랑할수 있은 동생으로… 노력해보자…. 더 좋은 동생으로… 더 좋은 친구로…
i love you richard! good luck in SeeeRahKyuss~ 
and here’s 서시 for YOU! 
