May 14, 2004

• Here is another day... another day that will defeat me... another
  day to be scared... another day which will never let me be..ME.

  Constant
  fear... constant dark clouds.. how did i get into this position... how
  did i get here, living ordinary life in fear.. how every day of this
  gloomy history repeats itself, but it's never so clear...

  Everyday
  of being hated... bombarded with words of hate.. pain, must i deal
  with? couldn't this just be a moment that flashs by in a heart beat?
  it's bitter, blue, dejected, despairing, bereaved, dismal, distressed,
  down, doleful, hurting, in grief, glum, forlorn, downcast, pensive,
  morbid... and same time, bewildered, puzzled, disconcert, shame, messed
  up...yet these are only words that partially describes how i need and
  must express myself... for that.. i'm sorry for just being what i am,
  who i am....

  it's gona be alright... but never that dream is
  fulfilled... never will i see the light again.. never will i enjoy
  being who i am... ever?

  fighting, crying, shouting, smiling,
  forgetting... i've tried all that would keep me away from the filth..
  this stain that has affected me so much even more... if i can, i want
  to burn it all down... every single thing i see...

  everyone
  has their moment to be defeated... many of them will face the fire and
  some will hide... i can't hide.. i can't fight... what will i be
  doing... absolutely nothing... courage? integrity? i have none of...
  where will i be standing... for how long..

  I"M SUCH A MORON!!!  i banged my head on a printer... don't ask how....

  

  and i have to walk around like....

  can Today be any worse?

  • 5:19 pm
  • 4 Comments